Sanity
Much is said about
Safe, Sane and Consentual within the BDSM lifestyle, it has become a
cornerstone catch word for living. What isn't being discussed is the
necessary evaluation of mental condition that it entails upon all
people. This occurs on both sides of the slash. A Dominant and
submissive must carefully evaluate the apparent mental state of any
person they are considering entering into a relationship with. This
is far more difficult than it appears. Few of us are psychological
experts and the simple truth is that sometimes persons who are the
'least' competent mentally can mask themselves sufficiently to
'appear' SANE to those they are interacting with. An example of this
was Ted Bundy who was very intelligent and very very good at
presenting an image of the sane and safe person in order to lure his
victims to their deaths...
Evaluating sanity
in the best of times is very difficult. Most often we offer people
'allowances' for circumstance, prior events, crisis, stress, etc. In
our effort to find that perfect someone we tend to 'quiet' our
internal voices when they raise questions as to the veracity of the
individual's word or suggest that perhaps all is not right with
someone. This is exactly the OPPOSITE of what should be happening
here. BDSM is NOT innocent or without risk and danger. That risk
transcends MANY levels of life.
From a Dominant's
perspective if the submissive they are communicating with and
considering seriously to enter into a relationship with, is in ANY
way demonstrating a lack of competence or diminished mental state
then that Dominant MUST consider that individual submissive
potentially incapable of making a consentual 'sane' choice regarding
engaging in activities which can and may be seriously dangerous to
their health both mentally and physically. A person demonstrating a
lack of care for their personal health is NOT mentally competent (in
my opinion). This CAN be demonstrated in lifestyle activities which
have sustainable and distinct negative impacts on the individuals
daily life. Things like addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, pain,
food, etc. Also, those routinely having personal 'crisis' beyond the
normal or average which could be expected in any life may in some way
be through their personal choices bringing these actions upon
themselves. This can also be considered to be self destructive and
indicative of a less than healthy mental state.
From the
submissive's perspective, selecting a Dominant who is less than
mentally healthy may end up costing them their life. This is not the
exchange that a submissive is looking for nor the ideal mate they may
be seeking in their life. The submissive should look for signs of
mental distress in any Dominant they are considering entering into a
relationship with. The same signs of disarray, addictions, crisis or
frequent events, etc. listed above. It is my honest opinion that an
individual in good mental health will CARE about all areas of their
lives. They will look to their personal physical health, maintain
good relations with people they care for (such as extended family),
have a moderate number of friends and activities OUTSIDE of the BDSM
world. A well rounded and non-fixated life with richness and depth
in many different areas.
Though I have
categorized submissive from Dominant here the signs of mental health
or incompetence are the same for both. The risks and dangers or
level of danger is NOT the same. This is easy to see in the
potentially life threatening position of bondage that the submissive
must engage in very early in the relationship. The first gift of the
submissive is ABSOLUTE TRUST. Placed poorly that trust can and does
at times cost a submissive their life. However, other issues exist
here too. If either person selects someone who is very compulsive,
jealous, or subject to sudden outbursts of extreme rage or violence
they can find themselves in a nightmare situation.
People, regardless
of their BDSM orientation, live socially in outer society. Most hold
jobs, have children, go to PTA and Scout meetings, attend church.
They have reputations to protect. Threat of exposure can be VERY
real and turn voluntary submission into forced submission. And, can
force a Dominant to continue in a relationship they KNOW is flawed
and unsafe. Actions to be looking for are any usage of personal
threats, fear, embarassment, shame, guilt. If a person attempts to
control someone else using ANY of these as tools then it is a HUGE
warning sign that they should be avoided. I say 'a person' here
because manipulation can come from BOTH sides and does. Sometimes I
talk with people who threaten to 'commit suicide' if their Dom/sub
leaves them. They forcibly IMPOSE a power exchange in an effort to
CONTROL the actions of the other person. In some cases they cannot
distinguish a lie from the truth and will use any form of deceipt in
order to attain or attempt to attain the goal they seek. These signs
are indicative of significant problems and professional help SHOULD
be quickly sought.
Then we have people
who routinely vacate personal responsibility for anything negative
that occurs in or around their life. We each have the ability to
make choices which can place us in positions of compromise. If we
choose to get drunk and engage in a sex orgy, explanations AFTER THE
FACT are simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Something within the individual
encouraged them to take those actions in the first place (a sign of
mental problems). Shifting responsibility or finding justifications
or excuses for obvious behavior and choice problems is a good
indication that the person has some work to do to be in a stable
state. In order for the terms Safe, Sane and Consentual to mean
anything BOTH people need to be mentally competent and stable.
Otherwise, engaging in-scene with someone incompetent DOES violate
ALL three of the credo's. An incompetent submissive may or may not
express the truth about their limitations, may or may not be able to
make choices that are healthy for them mentally, and with the mental
state impaired cannot be fully considered to be ABLE to offer their
rational consent! An incompetent Dominant may become obsessed to the
point of destroying their submissive either mentally or
physically!
all rights reserved by Mistress Steel
comments or email SteelBtrfl@aol.com
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